IVF cycle day 6

     Never in a million years did I ever think I would have a problem having a baby.  After all why would I,  I had a baby....a decade ago.  In  2009 I was 31 newly married and ready to expand my family.  Who would have thought that it would include 3 different doctors one round of clomid, four iui's and one ivf before finally conceiving twins in December of 2010.  I thought the hard part was over and in nine months my family would be complete.  Little did I know the challenges I would face in those nine months.  At eight weeks I had some bleeding but both babies were fine.  At 12 weeks we passed the down syndrome test with flying colors and for the next six weeks I was happy and relaxed.  At 18 weeks I went for my level 2 ultrasound.  My bloodwork had come back ubber high which indicated that there might me a problem with one or both of the babies.  My stress level was through the roof that day and I prayed over and over that everything was okay with my little ones. I made it through the ultrasound and both babies looked perfect My doctors redid the blood test and that came back fine too.  The doctors decided that it had to be a lab error.  By the way did I metion both babies were boys.  At  21 weeks it's time for another ultrasound.  I am big I am happy and I am halfway there.....and that is the last time  I will feel that way for the rest of that pregnancy.  Baby A's heart had stopped beating.  Baby B was doing fine.  I was sent home to be on bedrest.  No one knew what would happen and everyone hoped that I would stay pregnant long enough for baby B to survive.  For 14 weeks I laid in bed carrying one baby that would kick and let me know he was okay and one baby that I would never know.  On August 11th I finally got to hold Noah and say goodbye.  Then I would hold Asher and ten days later bring him home.  I will never be able to explain how I felt that day or the days that followed.
     17 months later I have found peace.  I still think of my Noah everyday  and I still have my days that I cry.  I have also learned to be happy again.  I cherish every single second that I have with Asher.  I truly know what a blessing he is.
    That brings me to today cycle day 6 of another IVF cycle.  Part of me thinks I've done this before I can get pregnant with the help of IVF and then I remember how unpredictable creating a little miracle can be.