5 Weeks Pregnant I Think??

  The two week wait was more difficult than I thought it would be.  Although I told myself I wouldn't test I did....like two or three times a day.  I finally stopped after my first beta test test which came back at 310.  Six days later my beta is now 2141 and my progesterone is 29.  One more beta test next week and then an ultrasound scheduled for the 23rd.  I can't believe I can almost call myself pregnant.  As much as I believe that I am I know it's not official until after we see the heartbeat.  So I feel like I'm in another two week wait but doesn't feel quite so stressful.

Frozen embryo transfer and the two week wait

     April 22nd I had my frozen embryo transfer and it went great.  At my clinic the doctors rotate but after my failed IVF I asked my doctor if he would do it.  He did my transfer 2 1/2 years ago and I got pregnant.  I found it interesting how during my fresh cycle the doctor was like here's your uterus insert embryo.  Well this time with my doctor of chose he was more like lets push this little embryo right against your lining.Now maybe I'm just being picky but I think it makes a difference.  After all I have been getting positive pregnancy test results since Saturday April 27th.

     So this is how crazy I am during the two week wait. I have tested nine times since the transfer sometimes twice a day.  I have used four different types of pregnancy test  and every time i use a cheap Stop and Shop one it is always negative.  This made me go out and buy more test, digital ones this time.  No making an error in reading these ones.  These ones are Clearblue Easy Digital and always say pregnant (I like these ones).  So for now I say I am pregnant and on Friday when I go for my Beta test I really hope my number is high enough that the nurse says I am pregnant too.

It's a Go!!

     FET is scheduled for Monday!! I am so glad I made it this far through this cycle without any hitches.  Now it's just up to my little embryo to make it through the thawing process and all will be good.  I know it's silly but I am so confidant that this will be the cycle that ends positively that there is just no room for doubt or negative thoughts.

     So in about 2 1/2 weeks I can't wait to share with you all my positive beta test.  

Fresh Outlook

     It's been six weeks since I got my BFN from my IVF cycle.  I've had a lot of time to think about how far I am willing to go.  How many treatments will I do?  Will I return to trying IUIs when my insurance will no longer cover IVF?  Well I think I know my answers to these questions that weigh on my mind on a daily basis.  One of the things I promised myself was that I wasn't going to let infertility consume my life and this last cycle I failed miserably.  It was time to stop the pity party and started living again.

     These last few weeks I have gotten back in the  kitchen and tried new recipes.  I have made significant progress on my first quilt that I have been making.  I have finished a busy book for my son. And I have planted my seeds in hopes of having an amazing garden this summer.

     What I have come to realize is that my life is good and I enjoy living it.  I am half way through my FET cycle and have not obsessed about the odds of being successful.  I refuse to take  multiple pregnancy test during the two week weight.  And for the next few weeks I will continue to do the things I love and not let infertility control who I am.

Rant Session

    Just to warn you this is a rant session.   There have been somethings that I've been hearing lately that have really been bothering me.  So I am hoping to write about it, get it off my chest and move on.

     First there is a mother I know who is having her second baby in a couple of weeks.  She stated that she feels nothing towards this baby and isn't even looking forward to it being here!  When I read this I thought how horrible and tried to not think of it again.  But then at least a dozen other mothers sympathized with her and felt the same way!!  One even stated that she is due next month and hasn't done the nursery yet and doesn't want to do it.  What is wrong with these women?  I swear women who get pregnant easily have no idea what a blessing it is to have a baby and honestly I don't understand why they are having a second child when they feel this way.

     Next I joined a facebook group that was suppose to be a support group for people with infertility issues. When I first joined it was so positive and I enjoyed reading comments and seeing were everyone was.  People also asked how I was doing and offered advise when I needed it.  Lately it has turned so negative.  It seems like everyone is complaining and feeling sorry for themselves and each other.  I miss how it use to be.

     Lastly I came across a blog of a woman I knew who was struggling to get through a devastating time in her life.  A group of women rallied around her and we did a meal train for her and even put together a craft fair to help support her and her family.  At first I was so proud to be apart of this group and thought what wonderful things we could to for other people in there time of need.  As time went on I slowly realized that these women aren't about helping others they are about feeling like they are better than others.  This group started because of one family's grief and I really hope they can get there act together and become the group they should be.

     Okay I got everything out.  Now it's time to move forward and not dwell on this negativity any longer.

A Beauty Contest

     We had our follow up with our RE yesterday to discuss doing a FET since our IVF cycle failed.  We only have one frozen embryo so I am a little worried about that.  I did find out some interesting facts though.  Like   my frozen embryo has a 90% chance of surviving the thaw process and then a 50% chance of resulting in a pregnancy.  Not really sure how I feel about this.  A 50% chance doesn't feel so great to me.  Something else he told me that I found interesting was how they grade the embryos.  It is basically a beauty contest.  They only go by how the embryo looks which means that a perfect looking embryo could have chromosomal problems and not implant and an embryo that looks horrible could be discarded and in actuality it could have been a perfect embryo.  This kind of upsets me because most of my embryos get discarded because of their "quality".  At this point all I can do is what for AF to arrive so we can start this next cycle and hope that this little embryo is healthy and strong.

BFN :*(

     I got the confirmation that I m not pregnant.  It's so hard to understand how a perfectly good embryo can be put directly into my uterus and I still don't get pregnant.  I have one frozen embryo from this cycle and met with the RE next Thursday to get the "new plan".  I'm hoping that this is God's plan.  He knows I only want one more child and I could never bare to keep that one frozen embryo frozen forever.  So I will still have hope.